MY SOUL ASYLUM

Ive already accepted my weaknesses and Im glad about this. Acceptance, forgiveness and love are the keys to complete healing. Recently these people who hate me did everything to show to the people i care that i should be hated and convinced them that im not worth their love.. but no matter what theyre going to do just to destroy me and all the relationships i have, they will never succeed.. yes, they may have temporary happiness by now and they maybe better than me but they will never ever put me down.

Im so thankful of whats goin on with my life right now cos it transforms me to become better not bitter. Although i cant deny the fact that i became bitter and was angry for awhile because of the pain that they brought me.. i was confused and wondrin why the sudden change of things. Ive realized that these people who are trying to put me down dont deserve my time and attention. They’ve already ruined a lot in my life, they’ve caused broken relationships, hatred and pain. Im done grievin.

There were things that i shouldnt have said and done but life’s just like that. We are not perfect. I am not perfect. What matters now is that Ive learned from those mistakes, from those flaws and bad attitudes…and will try not to do it again. It maybe hard but I should start forgetting the things that happened.. forgive, move on and FOCUS. This is never easy but I know I can do it with the strength I got from HIM.

Yes its true that Ive lost the people whom Ive loved the most. Those people who are soo important to me, those who will never be forgotten, those people who have also loved me truly and cared for me and will always be special in my life. There was so much pain.. (and i think i still have a little of it right now) but I know that they’re not really gone, im sure they’re just there..spending their lives, searching for happiness and satisfaction…and eventually will soon come back in time. Im sure that there will always be restoration of brokenness, forgiveness and healing for everything that had happened.

Love exists so why worry?

"Im stubborn, impatient and always learning things the hard way. I live, I grieve.. im left with pain but I love embracing it. I take challenges with great joy for its always given with a purpose. I still have reasons to go on and succeed. I have my Antonio Gabriel- my joy and inspiration, an angel, a gift from heaven. He’s given for me to endure everything. I thank the people who have hurt me for they make me feel more beautiful and more important , even more important than their selves cos they took the time to make me become a better person.  Im loved, unloved.. and sometimes taken for granted.. but it doesnt matter, i still love them anyway.
LIFE IS INDEED BEAUTIFUL.. =) "

Ive spent christmas with Anton-my angel, my family, Nino and his family. I never thought Id still have that kind of christmas.. God is so good and I was so stupid to have forgotten that just because I was soo damn blinded with whats goin on with my life lately. I feel so complete and happy seeing that Nino was happy with Anton. I love seeing them together. It doesnt matter to me now whatever is going to happen next. I dont wanna care about it. I know that there’s enough trouble for today so I shouldnt waste my time worrying for tomorrow. And I know God is in total control, and nothing under His control will ever be out of control..rytee?

I want a change of heart. Ive been a worrier, pathetic paranoid these past few months, full of jealousy and insecurities, hatred and apprehensions . Maybe its good to make a list of the things to be changed in me and my faith goals then do something about it so that I can start the new year right. It wont be that easy, I know.. but i can do it if ill just try. I want these hatred and curses be out of my system. I f he doesnt love me and care about me, its not the end of the world.. its never my loss.. i have my son to take care of and life goes on. Things happen for a reason. Whatever reason God has enstored for this problem, I know its for the best. I know that in time, He will give me the desires of my heart. Im never intimidated by whats goin on and with what others have to say against me because I know who’s going to take care of me and Anton, and that He’s bigger than anythinelse and anyonelse in this world. =)

You’re running the race set before you, moving full
speed ahead with God’s blessing overtaking you
at every step. Then suddenly, wham! You hit the
wall. It may be a wall of sickness or financial
trouble, of spiritual failure or family problems. But,
regardless of the form it takes, the effect of "the
wall" is always the same. It stops you cold.

The question is, once you hit a wall like that, what
will you do? You’ll be tempted to quit, to turn back
in defeat. But don’t do it. Because God will enable
you to break through that wall and keep right on
going.

I’m not going to tell you it’s easy. The truth is, it’s
tough. But you have to push on through the tough
times if you’re ever going to have a breakthrough.

Ask any athlete. He’ll tell you that! Because if he’s
a winner, he’s been there. He’s pushed his body to
what seems to be the maximum. His side has hurt.
His lungs have ached. He’s had cramps in his legs
and thighs. And just when he felt like he couldn’t go
on, he’s heard some coach yell, "Come on! Move
it!"

Athletes call that "hitting the wall." It’s a time when
the body says, "That’s it. That’s all I can do. I can’t
go any further. I can’t go any faster. I quit."

But the seasoned athlete knows that "the wall" isn’t
the end. It’s a signal that he’s on the verge of a
breakthrough. If he’ll toughen up and push himself
a little more, he’ll get a second wind. Suddenly,
he’ll go faster than before. He’ll reach a level of
excellence he couldn’t have reached any other way.

When you feel the worst, when failure is breathing
down your neck, press into the Word as never
before. You may meditate on a particular scripture
for days and even weeks sometimes, trying to get
a revelation of it, seemingly without success. Then
suddenly, like the dawn of the morning, light will
come pouring in. You’ll see the way to break
through. All you have to do is punch one little hole
in that wall of problems, dig one tiny hole in it with
your faith and with the Word of God.

Then keep tearing away at that hole. Don’t quit!
And, before long, the forces of God will come
bursting through, demolishing every obstacle in
their path!

Once that happens you’ll never be the same again.
You’ll be hooked. It will only take one breakthrough
like that to make a never-dying, never-quitting
champion out of you!

It’s easy to be so afraid of making a mistake that
you never get around to stepping out on faith. You
can spend all your time wondering, "Is this faith?
Or is it presumption? What if I exercise my faith for
something and find out later I’ve missed God’s
will?"

Don’t worry. God can handle any mistake you can
make. I know because I’ve made plenty of them.
When I did, I’d just go to the Lord and He’d tell
me, "Stay on the Word, child. Together we’ll
overcome this thing." And we always did.

If you act on the Word out of the sincerity of your
heart and you steadfastly stay with the Word,
Jesus will never let you down…no matter how
many dumb mistakes you make. He proved that
the night Peter jumped out of the boat in the
middle of the lake.

Have you ever stopped to think about that
incident? Peter hadn’t been praying or seeking
God’s will before he did that. On impulse he just
blurted out, "Lord, if it’s You bid me come."

What was Jesus supposed to say? He couldn’t
very well say, "It’s not Me." I suppose He could
have said, "Wait a minute now. You don’t have the
faith to get out here. You’d better stay in that boat
or you’re going to drown for sure."

But He didn’t say that to Peter–and He won’t say it
to you. If you want to get out and walk by faith, He’ll
get out there with you and pick you up when you
start sinking. He’ll walk you back to the boat if He
has to.

It’s better to risk being presumptuous than to
waste your life in the boat of unbelief! If you have
to, just dive into the water and say, "God, help me!"

Don’t let fear keep you from taking that step of
faith. Come on, get out of the boat today!